Saviour

Shuffle makes you discover some amazing songs at times! Saviour by Jason Sweet. Perfect song for the moment. Literally. Also, it prompted me to post the second part of my poem which seems to go with the general theme of the song anyway. So here goes:


Part II: The Battle Comes To An End

The days go by, seasons change

And yet the battle, continues to rage

Some days its me, some days its him

Some days I lose, some days I win

But my heart and soul continue to get battered

I wonder if they could be any further shattered

Hope is fading, I want to let go

Give up this fight and just go with the flow

But somewhere inside me, a small voice

Barely audible, yet firm in its choice

Tells me to keep going and not lose hope

To hang in there, to try and cope

One day your patience will bear fruit

Your fortitude and spirit will rule the roost

So it says, and though I hardly know why

I endure, and grow weaker as the days go by

Then one spring day, as insipid as all others

Yet born differently from all its brothers

I get up to see a glowing light

An angel’s halo, divine and bright

I rub my eyes, it seems to be a dream

My throat is stuck up with my scream

Have you come for me? I ask in utter disbelief,

Or is it just my imagination, am I still asleep?

The angel laughs, like a tinkering bell

“Yes my dear, I have come to make you well

You just be in my arms and leave the rest to me

I will protect you, be your guardian, you’ll see

You’ve endured much and for long, now let it be

You’re no longer alone, its not you, its we

We will drive away this terrible pain

And we won’t rest until it is slain

I promise I will make you whole

Heal your heart with all the love that it can hold

Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe

Mend your soul and get you back in perfect shape”

I want to speak, but the words are stuck

I stare at the angel, still dumbstruck

I want to cry, but my tears refuse to run

And I stare at the angel, as bright as the sun

The angel watches me, silent as the night

Only holding me closer, embracing me tight

“Save these tears, now is not the time

Don’t you worry, it’ll all be fine

For now, let us go finish what is still left

Punish the devil who’s left you deprived and bereft

Let us unleash the power of love

The gods are watching over us from above”

And so we step onto the battle ground again

But today I am not alone, and he shall be slain

The power of love, shall all others, outshine

Today and forever, victory shall be mine

The devil reappears, with his mocking smile,

His face still hungry and full of guile

“Today you shall be mine, I shall vanquish your heart

Obliterate it completely, tear it apart”

And he roars with laughter, gets ready to kill

Today he is determined to have his fill

“Stop there you fiend” murmurs the angel back

And the brute freezes in his tracks

“What did you say? You’ll vanquish the heart?

Obliterate it completely and tear it apart?

Never! I shall not let this happen

Fight with me, I’ll teach you a lesson

Get ready, o savage one, its your turn today

You’ve had your fill, now its time to repay

Disappear now, and never be seen

Or pay the price for what you’ve been”

But the devil is obdurate, thinks he is too strong

He wants to fight the angel, prove him wrong

The angel smiles, “Then I am afraid, you force me to kill”

And for a moment its all very still

And then suddenly, there is a blinding light

Yet warm and comforting, shining bright

And the devil’s entire being begins to burn

He writhes in pain, tosses and turns

The angel reappears, and to the devil, says,

“Didn’t I warn you? Now this is the price you pay

The power of love, you cannot withstand

It will torch you completely, turn you to sand

Not a speck of your filthy being shall remain

From now, there shall be no pain

Adieu, evil one, this is the end

Never again shall you return, o fiend”

And I watch, amazed, frozen in time

My heart beats fast, its finally mine

I don’t have to run, I don’t have to escape

The devil is gone and I am safe

And my tears well up again,

Tears of relief, not those of pain

And I find my angel by my side

Comforting my soul, my gentle guide

I look up at the angel, there is so much I want to say

But words, it seems, won’t come to me today

“You don’t have to thank me, I came for you

Because your heart is pure and your soul is true

There is peace all around, a strange kind of calm

The angel heals my wounds, like a balm

Together we pick up all the shards

Put them together, rebuild my heart

And cement it with the power of love

The gods watching us, smile from above

A new day dawns, happy and bright

My angel is still here, with the shining white light

Now there’ll be no more pain, and no more fiends

The battle within, has come to an end

Lost.

I feel lost. Utterly, uncomfortably and completely. Its like I wish this world would swallow me up. Or I could sink into this ground. Feels like I don't know anything. Where I am going, what I am doing. Strange isn't it? Just a few days ago, I could've sworn my life was awesome. Perfect. Well almost. Barring a few things of course. But then they were meant to be fleeting experiences, here today, gone tomorrow. But turns out they liked me too much to leave.

But as my favourite line of all times goes, when Winter comes, can Spring be far behind? Answers sought are not always provided but asking them also helps sometimes. Try it sometime. 

Rediscovered.

Just rediscovered a set of poems that I had written a while ago, thought would share them. Here goes :)


Part-I: The Battle Within

There’s a pain inside my heart

Unknown, unrelenting, unforgiving

Its there somewhere inside, embedded very deep,

But it persistently stings, its never asleep

Like a spear, its edge is razor sharp

It leaves me fragile, pierces my heart

I keep hoping that someday it’ll pass, but

It stays on, a dull ache, pounding on walls of glass

It’s a devil, and yet you’d think an angel you had found

Soothing at first, and then inflicting grievous wounds

It leaves behind scars of its own

Deeper than those that I have ever known

Like the lull before a storm, it suddenly disappears,

Only to come back, strike from the rear

It bares its ugly head and says

“Get ready now, your turn to be slayed!”

And then it comes down with full force,

Shattering me completely, without remorse

And even as I lie, broken, on the ground

I hear its wicked laughter all around

We keep lying there, my heart and I,

Not a sound, not even a sigh

The silence grows on us day after day

Even as the last beats of my heart, slowly ebb away

But I won’t give up, my will is strong

Nothing that comes my way, shall cow me down

And so with great difficulty and effort,

I get myself up, find some support

But the monster has not yet had its fill

Its eyes still burn with the urge to kill

It watches my progress with a mocking smile

The hunger evident on its face, full of guile

And as I attempt to pick up the shards

Put them together and rebuild my heart

It punishes me for trying to escape

Alter my destiny, and change my fate

“You fool! Think you can beat me?

Remake your soul and run away free?

No! Never shall I let this happen!

The more you try, the more damage to you shall be done!

You are my slave, and I, your master!

If you try to run, I will only run faster

You are now mine and so is your heart,

And I shall not rest till I have torn it apart!”

But I keep running, trying to find an escape

Looking for a place to keep my heart safe

I’m sick of this tussle, I want to be free

I want my soul back, cheerful and happy

But no, I am too small in the scheme of things

How could I even dream of escaping?

And so the pain keeps coursing through my veins

The more hurt I am, the more strength it gains

But my heart is adamant; it wants to be free of this cage,

And this battle within, continues to rage.

That gut feeling.

I hate how usually when your gut feeling says something, it turns out to be true. Because when your gut feeling says that your life is about to be turned upside down, everything as you've known it is about to change, you really don't want to believe it. But I guess that's what is needed most in such times- belief. And hope and faith.

Its difficult accepting it yourself. You tend to live in denial initially. Think its a figment of your imagination. But life conveniently provides you with reality checks to show you that its actually happening. And then you get the drift. And then it hits you.

Yes I've reached the end of that road and I think its time to accept that. Its hard, very hard. But as someone once said to me, a life lived in acceptance of difficult things is better than one lived in denial. So I'm going to attempt to do just that- accept. And as far as possible, move on. Who knows what's in store? Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day. After all, hope is what we live for :)

Adieu.

Bitter sweet.

What are you supposed to do when the one person you care most about in the world and who you THINK cares the most about you, lets you down? That too when you least expect or need it. 

But on the bright side, when you get so much sleep that you've haven't gotten in a long LONG while, it feels gooood :)

Guess every coin has two sides, no? Probably why life tends to sway from one end to the other. It becomes difficult to appreciate one without the other. After all, life never turns out as you thought it would. Else, where would be the fun in waking up each day and hoping that it turns out to be the best day ever? :)

Alas.

Well turns out, we lost our second debate too. By a close margin. And for some reason I can't help but blame myself. I mean really, I've never felt so disappointed with myself. I could've done SO much better! And especially when I knew exactly what I had to say too. Damn disheartening. But anyhow, I guess there's still a slim ray of hope. Last round. Tomorrow. MUST nail. Hopefully will. *sigh* Must get going.
Adios.

Wonder wonder.

Ever wondered why people drift apart?
Why the ones you fight with the most, are closest to your heart?
Why despite the pain, you let loved ones go?
Why it's so difficult to just go with the flow?

So many questions. No answers. Life can get pretty demanding at times, no? I sometimes wish someone would answer these. Someone, anyone.

Also, on a totally unrelated note, I just rediscovered my love for Incubus. Aqueous Transmission. Haven't heard such a haunting tune in a while. Or maybe I've just stopped listening to much new music since I came to Law School. Whatever, but this is awesome!

The little joys of life :)

You know how sometimes when everything seems to be all messed up and nothing seems to be right, one little incident provides you with much needed perspective? Well I just had my moment of realisation. Moments actually.

Oh before I forget, Happy B'day Paldron :) You're awesome! 

So well, after Paldron's beautiful terrace celebrations a while ago, as we just lay there, gazing up at the stars and the sky (which was the prettiest today by far!) everything seemed so calm. At peace with itself and with the world. I guess that's what I need too. To make peace with myself before others. Its strange how we always look to others to change things around when all that we really need is just a bit of self-introspection. Better late than never I guess. Also, I just rediscovered my love for star gazing. Lying under the starlit sky, listening to Snow Patrol at their best, is probably the single most peaceful and by far one of the most amazing feelings you can experience in a lifetime. Must do more often. Hmm. Enough of the senti I guess? :P Off to study for Eco viva. Shall be back sooner! :)

Toodles!

New year, new beginning :)

Okay I know the title sounds pretty cheesy but it seemed kind of apt considering I'm getting back to writing (apart from all the legal stuff!) after ages. Feels good actually. Writing is one of those things that you rarely forget. Yes yes I know about the whole writer's block et al but I simply intend to say that well either you like it or you don't. And if you do fall into the former category then well, you'll know what I mean :)

Anyhow, I don't have a lot of 'deep' stuff to write about right now so I'm just going to leave it at that and go back feeling happy about having written something atleast!

P.S.- Happy New Year everyone! :)