Have you ever felt so stupid that you could kick yourself really hard? Yes, that's exactly how I feel right now. Have been feeling for the last three days actually. It's annoying beyond belief, if you ask me. People say that winning isn't everything, it doesn't matter as much. What matters is the game and you should play for the love of the game. Whoever first said that must've been on the winning side. Winning ain't everything and love of the game and all the jazz is fine but it's when you lose that you actually realise how badly you wanted to win.
First PFL and then today's GCL match. Sheesh. Whatta fail. But it's okay (I've been trying to convince myself), we have two more matches to go in GCL. PFL, however, is gone. Till next year, at least. And even though I only decided to play on a last minute instinct and even though it wasn't such a big deal to begin with, somewhere along the way, it did become a big deal. More than that in fact, a dream even. Watching Shardul and Techi reminisce about their loss in last year's semi-final, sitting by the court and strategising with pebbles, shouting "mindfuck, mindfuck" at random moments, screeching with joy at every goal stopped. Every single bit of it was magical. The atmosphere on that basketball court is something that one can't describe. You have to have been there, to have felt that palpable excitement in the air, to have seen the tension on the faces around to really know what it's like. It's more than just football, much much more. The funniest bit is that I am writing all of this. And most of it without having to think, my fingers tapping away without a pause. Last year when I was just one of the many spectators by the sidelines, I used to secretly laugh at all these crazy people getting so worked up about a game. It's just a game, after all! But this time, every second of 'girl time' that I was on court, I knew exactly why. Why this was more than a game, why people went so crazy after it. (If you're reading this without ever having experienced the magic of PFL, you might think I'm loony or something.)
Losing out to Malla's team day before was heart breaking. Especially after we got our act together so beautifully after the first 10 minutes. As the knowledge of having been chucked out of the race sunk in, the entire team sort of spontaneously deflated. And I know that as we watch the semi-finals and finals, each member will be thinking at the back of their minds that it could've been us. But it's okay, I guess. You win some, you lose some. If nothing else, it's a beginning. At least for me. It's the beginning of a journey, one that's going to last 3 more years. And by the end of that, hopefully, there will be conquest.
Another item just got added to my bucket list. :)
